And if you prefer to read, here's the summary of the podcast episode!

1 – Basic Wedding Party Roles

First, let’s discuss the most common wedding party roles and their responsibilities. I’m not going to go super in-depth with these because there’s a ton of blog posts and articles on this topic. But so we’re all on the same page, here are the main ones:

• Parents of the Bride (or brides) and Parents of the Groom (or Grooms) 
• Maid or Matron of Honor and Best Man (Or, if you have someone of the opposite gender fulfill these roles, a Man of Honor or Woman of Honor or Best Woman)
• Bridesmaids or Groomsmaids
• Bridesmen or Groomsmen
• Ushers
• Flower Girls (and now Flower Men, which is growing in popularity this summer)
• Ring Bearers
• Pets of Honor 
• And the Officiant

While I’m not going to go into what each person does because there are lots of articles on that. But let me know if you have specific questions that I can address them in a future episode.

2 – When Should You Invite People to Your Wedding Party?

I know this is a very exciting part of wedding planning. You just got engaged, you’re ready to share the fun news, and you want to invite your best girls and guys to be part of the day. 

Before you do that, I want you to put together your budget. I know, I know. This sounds so cold-hearted. But hear me out.

The size of your wedding party can significantly increase your costs. There are:

• Hair and makeup services for everyone
• Bridesmaids bouquets
• Groomsmen boutonnieres
• Some kind of floral cuff, corsage, or hairpiece for mothers
• Boutonnieres for the dads and ring bearers and maybe the ushers
• And gifts for everyone – some people send gift boxes when they ask someone to be at their wedding party, and then they also give gifts on the day of the wedding to thank people for being part of their day.

A wedding party of 3 or 4 on each side will have significantly different costs than a wedding party of 6 or 8 on each side. So it’s something to carefully consider. 

Once you feel okay with the costs, I recommend inviting people around 8-10 months out from your wedding. 

This gives people enough time to plan vacation time for your wedding, as well as plan financially for the costs they’ll incur for your bachelor/bachelorette party, wedding gifts, their attire, hair and makeup, and accessories. 

Can you invite people further out? Of course. Let’s say you have a long engagement and your wedding isn’t for 2 years. Yes, you can definitely invite people that far out.  But, I’d just wait until it’s a little closer in case you decide to have a more intimate wedding party. 

More on how big or small your wedding party should be later. 

3 – Is it okay to mix genders on each side of my wedding party?

The answer is definitely yes. I’m a big proponent for personalizing your day to whatever feels right for you.

If you’re a bride and you want a guy's best friend to be one of your attendants, you should definitely have them! Same thing for grooms that want a female wedding attendant!

Like I mentioned earlier in the episode, there are a number of acceptable terms you can have for these people, such as bridesman or man of honor and groomsmaid or best woman. Whatever feels right for you is what you should do.

Now, a lot of you listening will probably wonder… Will it look weird if I have a guy with all the girls or a girl with all the guys? I absolutely do not think you need to worry about this. Having the same gender on each side is a very traditional way of thinking that isn’t necessary.  Furthermore, for photos, I personally think it looks more modern to have a mix of people on both sides. 

4 – Is it a Wedding Party or a Bridal Party?

One thing I did want to point out, is calling it a WEDDING party instead of a bridal party. 

I like this term better because it sounds more inclusive and more modern.

One of my pet peeves when I visit a venue and they call where people will get ready a “bridal suite.” 

What if there’s no bride? 

I was on-site at a venue WITH 2 GROOMS, the client, and the venue contact kept calling it a bridal suite.  I wanted to ask her, Do you see any brides here today? Because I sure don’t. 

It was just uncomfortable for me. The couple was very gracious and forgiving, but I was embarrassed for the venue! And it’s a new one! It’s not like they’ve been calling it a bridal suite for the past 30 years and they call it that out of habit! It’s a new venue! 

But I digress . . . 

5 – Do you need the same number of wedding attendants on each side of the wedding party?

The answer to this is definitely no. 

I’m not a fan of inviting more people into the wedding party to have an even number on each side. The  “fill-in” person that’s just to make it even would probably be totally fine not having to spend the money on the extra attire and responsibilities. Plus, if they’re not super close with everyone else, it’ll be hard for them to have as good of a time with everyone if they’re not as close.

Really quickly, if you’re still worried about having an even number for the wedding processional, there are different solutions.

1. Everyone walks by themselves on both sides. For example, the groom walks first down the aisle followed by all of his groomsmen, then the bridesmaids, then the bride.
2. One partner stands at the front with their wedding party so that the other half walks by themselves. For example – the groom comes out at the beginning of the ceremony with the officiant before the music starts. He watches the parents process down the aisle, followed by the bridesmaids, then the bride.
3. You can pair up some of the groomsmen to walk together behind the groom. Then, the bridesmaids walk together before the bride. If you have an odd number, someone walks by themselves. I promise it’s not the end of the world.
4. And if you have a same sex couple, there are even more combinations to consider. One order that worked really well for my same-sex couple was this: The first groom walked in with both of his parents. Then groomsmaids and groomsmen walked together as pairs. Some were couples with guys and girls, some were both girls. Then, the second groom walked in after everyone else. 

6 – When Should We Pick Out Wedding Party Attire?

It’s important to pick out the attire around 6-9 months out from your wedding, but you should wait to pick them out until after you’ve finalized your color palette and wedding design.

I usually wait to pick out the wedding party’s attire, or at least what specific colors they’ll wear, until we’ve finalized the wedding design. I prefer that the color be neutral that fits into the design but isn’t necessarily the main pop of color. The reason for this is usually the pop of color or accent color isn’t the most flattering color on every shade of skin and body type. 

I like to stick to neutrals that will be universally flattering on many skin colors, but I know that’s not always the case. However, if you pick a color that’s more universally flattering, your wedding party will look nicer and the overall look of your photos will look less dated. 

There are lots of places that offer bridesmaids' attire. I prefer dresses that look less “bridesmaids-y” like the dresses by BEHOLDEN because these are off the rack, there’s usually more flexibility with the ordering but double-check that because things have changed a lot due to supply chain issues. 

If you choose to get custom dresses for your bridesmaids, which I’ve done through Amsale and Jenny Yoo, they will likely recommend you order them at around the same time to ensure that the dye colors will be uniform for all the dresses.

For groomsmen suits, if they’re all ordering from a place like The Black Tux, you should order the suits around 3-6 months out from your date to ensure availability. During peak seasons, which we all know 2022 is going to be very busy, there may be shortages of very popular colors and styles. 

7 – Should you buy wedding party gifts? If so, what gifts are great for bridesmaids and groomsmen?

My couples all purchase gifts for their wedding party to say thank you for their love and support throughout the years.

Common items people purchase are jewelry or accessories that their party will wear at the wedding.  Small clutches, earrings, a bracelet, cufflinks, fun socks or ties, and bow ties all make great gifts. 

Some people also purchase bathrobes for the girls or matching pajamas. I don’t LOVE the idea of purchasing ones that all say “bridesmaid” on the back because they’ll just wear it once. 

My sister purchased a lovely light green floral one for me by Jenny Yoo. I also bring it to other weddings where I’m getting ready if there’s not a dress code so I look nice in getting ready photos. I think it looks more polished than a button-up. But a simple white button-up also always looks nice in photos if a silk robe isn’t your thing. 

People have given my husband cufflinks, a nice tie, a monogram white button-up for the wedding, and a monogram glass beer stein. He doesn’t ever use the beer stein. But he definitely used all the accessories he was given because those are things that people need but don’t necessarily purchase for themselves. 

For my bridesmaids, I purchased champagne silk clutches for them that they could use on the wedding day. I didn’t take photos of them but they all needed a cute little bag to put their stuff in and they used it. I regret not getting one for myself because I would have used it at so many weddings afterward. 

I can link examples of these items in the show notes at verveeventco.com/42.

 

8 – How do we organize everyone in the wedding party before the wedding?

A lot of couples that I talk to worry about how to organize all the people on the wedding day so that they can actually enjoy their wedding. 

Think about it. If you don’t have a wedding planner, how are you going to be able to relax while you’re getting your hair and makeup done? What time do we need to leave for pictures? When’s the bus picking us up? Where are our bouquets? Should I wear my dress to get ready? What time are we coming back?

 I put together an itinerary for all my couples, whether they’re full-service or wedding management, that they then share with their wedding party the week of the wedding. In it, I say what time the ceremony rehearsal is, where it is, what time they need to arrive for getting ready.

I even remind them to steam their clothes the night BEFORE the wedding, not the day of. If you’re a girl and you try to steam your dress after you’ve done your hair and makeup, all that humidity from the steamer will make your hair go flat. 

You could even send it 2 weeks ahead if you wanted as soon as you have all the details hammered out. But I would also re-send it the week of the wedding when people are going to be more actively thinking about your wedding so it’s fresh in their inbox. 

I also make little pocket schedules for all my couples that I hand out at the ceremony rehearsal so everyone, including the parents and other VIPs know where they need to be and when.

Conclusion: Wedding Party Roles