The Art of Writing Meaningful Wedding Vows and Speeches - Do’s and Dont’s from a Professional Speechwriter

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EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

Who is Brian Franklin?

Brian Franklin is the Co-Founder and CEO of Vows & Speeches, which he founded in mid-2021 with his wife and business partner, Nicole Franklin. Prior to 2023, Brian was the founder and President of an award-winning political consulting firm, where he oversaw messaging, communications (including speechwriting), and advertising for state and federal campaigns nationwide. He also served for 10 years as board member for the bipartisan trade association, American Association of Political Consultants.

He has been quoted/featured in The New York Times, Forbes, The Miami Herald, Dallas Morning News, The New York Post, Brides, Bridal Guide, The Miami Herald, Politico, and more.

Before working in politics or weddings, Brian taught AP Government in what was the largest high school in the country, worked as a freelance advertising creative director and marketing consultant, and even wrote Sunday car ads for newspapers back when they had such a thing. In his early 20's Brian had long hair and had a really brief career as a signed singer-songwriter. (Which included a smattering of love songs, bringing this story full circle.)
Brian still plays guitar and thinks a lot of about cars, and lives in Los Angeles with Nicole, some dogs, some kids, and now three cats.

What are some of the biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to vows and their ceremonies in general?

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming they can do this at the last minute. They often overestimate their ability to speak about their love and edit themselves on the fly, or they underestimate how challenging it is to find the right words and deliver them in front of an audience without preparation.

As a result, people sometimes say things they shouldn’t because they haven’t run their speech by anyone, or they simply haven’t given themselves enough time to refine it. Others end up sounding stilted or choppy because they didn’t practice beforehand.

The key is to approach this with the same level of preparation and thoughtfulness as the rest of the wedding. Giving yourself time to craft, refine, and rehearse your vows or speech will make all the difference in delivering something truly meaningful and polished.

Why do you think people put off writing their vows until the last minute?

It's such a big moment, and people want to do it justice. How do you sum up the love of your life in just one to two minutes while giving it the weight it deserves? And how do you do that in a way that isn’t overly generic, cringeworthy, or too emotionally overwhelming?

Finding the right balance—making it fun, personal, and reflective of you as a couple—is a big task. It takes thought and effort. What makes us effective at helping people is that we know the right questions to ask. We help uncover meaningful stories and emotions and package them in a way that’s both entertaining and moving. But that’s a skill, and not everyone has it naturally.

Some people do it beautifully on their own, but I’ve also seen people struggle. So how do you find your comfort level? If you're feeling anxious about it, that's a sign you probably need help—or at the very least, you need to give yourself enough time to really work on it. Writing, refining, and most importantly, practicing over and over is key to delivering something truly special.

How long should vows be?

Two minutes is pretty standard. I think once you go past two minutes, it better be really good.

Think about it—your ceremony already includes about eight to ten minutes of officiant narrative. Then you have the vows. If each person speaks for about two and a half minutes, that’s another five minutes. So before you’ve even gotten to the ring exchange, the actual I do’s, and the closing, you’re already at 15 minutes. Add another five minutes for those final moments, and now you’re at 20 minutes—standing in the hot sun—before you even factor in the processional, recessional, and announcements.

It all adds up quickly, and if each person adds another three minutes, the ceremony can start to drag. Two minutes is a solid recommendation. That said, I’ve had couples go longer, and sometimes it works beautifully. If they have enough material to carry three or four minutes and keep it engaging, it can be great. But in most cases, two minutes is enough to say everything meaningful—you just have to craft it well.

On the other hand, sometimes you see a real imbalance—one person delivers a heartfelt two- to three-minute vow, while the other barely speaks for 30 seconds. And at that point, you're thinking, Whoa, did they not put any effort into this?

I really think vows should be at least a minute and a half—that’s the minimum. It is possible to underserve the moment.

But this issue is even more common with speeches. Instead of keeping them to three or four minutes, some people go on for 30 minutes—or more. My current record for the longest speech? A verified 50 minutes.

So whether it’s the ceremony, the vows, or the speeches, the key is to keep it potent. It should have the right impact, flow, and emotional movement, but you also have to respect people’s attention spans. No matter what, guests are already sitting through at least 20 minutes of speaking, so keeping things concise and engaging is crucial.

What's your top tip for someone who's just stuck on where to start with their vows?

I think the key takeaway here is to get help. Our process involves an hour-long interview with our clients, where we delve into stories beyond just how you met. We explore questions like, What are this person's fears? What makes them grumpy? How do you handle conflict? Who takes longer to get ready? Who's the better driver?

These kinds of questions bring out stories that you might only touch on for a few seconds in your vows—as part of a joke or a meaningful anecdote that shows their love for you. Maybe it’s something as simple as how they always catch spiders for you. These small moments are part of your everyday life and can make your vows truly personal.

Getting someone to guide you through this process and help you find words that are uniquely yours is incredibly valuable.

On the topic of length, I believe avoiding personalized vows is a significant mistake. People attend weddings for these heartfelt moments. When couples write their own vows and deliver them effectively, it becomes the most powerful part of the ceremony—the moment everyone tears up and truly connects.

This is your chance to show who you are as a couple, why you love each other, and what makes your relationship unique. Personalized vows offer a glimpse into your relationship in a way that traditional ceremonies often can't because it’s coming directly from you. That’s where the genuine emotion lies.

Ultimately, this is your opportunity to make your wedding truly beautiful. Helping people find the perfect words to express their love is really our mission.

Some people feel that getting help with their vows is cheating in some way. They wonder, If I’m not writing it word for word, is it really coming from me?

To that, I say—absolutely.

At the end of the day, you’re the one answering the interview questions that shape your vows. These are your stories, your experiences, your emotions—not mine. I’m not making them up or putting words in your mouth. My role is simply to help you express them in a way that feels authentic to you. We can offer guidance on wording, but ultimately, it’s still your voice and your words.

And when you think about it, the rest of the wedding industry works the same way. You didn’t do your own hair and makeup, sew your own wedding gown, or cook the food for your guests. These are deeply personal elements, but they’re also significant enough to warrant professional guidance. Your vows should be no different—they’re one of the most meaningful parts of your wedding, and they deserve the same level of care and expertise.

What do you guys recommend as a good length for a reception speech?

This is really important for all the brides and grooms out there—make it crystal clear to your wedding party speakers that their speeches should be three to four minutes max. They must time it out and practice it.

The problem is, most people don’t actually know how long three to four minutes is when written out. They show up with three pages of text in 10-point font, thinking it's fine—only for it to turn into a 10-minute speech. And if you have three or four people speaking for 10 minutes each? You will bore your guests to tears.

Long speeches suck the energy out of the room, throw off the schedule, and make dinner drag. That’s why you need to be very clear with your speakers—this is not something they can just wing. They should come in with a prepared, rehearsed, and timed speech that is four minutes or less.

If they don’t, you’re inviting potential chaos. I’ve heard horror stories from luxury wedding planners about guests sitting through 20-, 30-, even 50-minute speeches. And that’s not even touching on the issue of people saying inappropriate things—that’s a whole different problem.

The length alone is the biggest and most common issue. So set clear expectations, make sure your speakers commit to them, and be prepared to cut them off if necessary. Sometimes, that’s the only way to keep things on track.

How can people work on the delivery of their speech?

When we started this business, delivery coaching was kind of an afterthought. Coming from a political background, I had experience teaching politicians how to do this, so it was natural to include. But I didn’t realize—until about a year in—just how important people felt it was and how much it impacted their final performance.

Over time, we adjusted our packages to include three rehearsal sessions instead of just one optional session. Our process starts with finalizing the speech itself—making sure they’re completely happy with the content. Then we move into rehearsal. We simply get on the phone and have them read it aloud to us.

This does a few things. First, it immediately reveals how much (or how little) they’ve actually practiced—usually less than they think. It also forces them to practice, while giving them valuable feedback on pacing and tone.

Many people initially read their speech in a flat, emotionless way—almost like a student reading a passage aloud in class for the first time. There’s a specific cadence to it that sounds unnatural. But with enough practice, they shift from reading word by word to reading phrase by phrase. Their brain starts anticipating the next line, creating muscle memory. That’s when they start to own it. The delivery smooths out, emotion naturally flows in, and suddenly, humor lands where it should, and the dramatic moments carry real weight.

Our job is to guide them through this process. Sometimes we have to say, “This part is meant to be humorous, but your voice isn’t reflecting that. Try lifting your tone, like you’re telling a story at a bar.” Or, if they’re expressing deep emotions—whether about their daughter, best friend, or partner—we encourage them to soften their tone, not necessarily in volume, but in warmth and sincerity.

These subtle shifts completely change the way people approach their performance. Over time, we’ve seen firsthand just how transformative delivery coaching can be. It’s become a huge part of what we do, and it makes all the difference in helping people feel confident and deliver something truly memorable.

Is there such a thing as over practicing it where they don't sound authentic anymore? Or is it always helpful?

No, I don’t think so. The more you practice, the smoother you become. As you get more familiar with the material, you’re not just repeating the same script over and over for a year—this isn’t like a presentation at an industry conference where someone delivers the exact same wording every time, to the point where it sounds robotic.

This moment is different. You can’t practice too much when it comes to speeches or vows. The more comfortable you are with your words, the more it frees you up to make eye contact, read the room, and connect with your audience.

That said, you should never try to fully memorize your speech. Memorizing something at home is very different from trying to recall it in front of 150 or 200 people. If you’re too focused on remembering the next line, you’ll end up with unnatural pauses or moments of panic.

Instead, aim to become so familiar with your speech that you almost have it memorized. That way, you can stay present in the moment, focus on your tone and delivery, and really bring out the emotion and meaning behind your words. When you reach that level of comfort, it’s incredibly freeing—and your speech will sound more natural, heartfelt, and authentic.

What are your best practices for practicing their speeches?

For those who don’t hire us, my biggest advice is to find a trusted person who can give you real, honest feedback. Ideally, this should be someone who understands what makes a strong performance—maybe someone in media, an actor, or even just a friend who’s naturally confident on stage. Ask them, “Hey, could you listen to my speech and give me feedback?” And be prepared to take that feedback seriously.

One thing I don’t recommend—at least in the beginning—is recording yourself and listening back. The first time you hear your own voice, you’ll probably hate it. It can be discouraging, and that’s not what you need early on in the process.

Instead, wait until you’ve really practiced and feel good about your delivery. Then if you want to refine it further, recording yourself can be helpful. But if you do it too soon, you’ll just end up feeling self-conscious, and that’s the last thing you want before giving an important speech.

One other mistake I just remembered—people often forget to add a little humor.

Everyone can be funny! And honestly, the more serious you’re known to be, the lower the bar is for getting a laugh. Even the smallest bit of humor from someone who’s usually serious can be hilarious to an audience.

That said, these don’t have to be big jokes. It’s not about being a stand-up comedian—it’s about breaking up the weight of the moment. If your entire three-minute speech is pure heartfelt adoration, it’s beautiful, but it can start to feel a little monotonous in tone. A well-placed lighthearted remark—even a dad joke—helps release tension and provides contrast before you return to the serious moments.

I often compare it to a concert setlist. No matter who you're seeing—Metallica, Norah Jones, Taylor Swift—artists never play the same tempo all the way through. They mix things up. Even with Metallica, where everything might seem high-energy, they still throw in an acoustic section or a slower song in the middle to keep things dynamic.

The same applies here. A little humor sprinkled in keeps the speech engaging. If you’re unsure about what to say, think about the funniest people in your life—ask them for ideas or help finding the right lighthearted moment. Plus, know your audience. The jokes you crack in your living room with close friends and family might not land the same way in front of your daughter’s boss or your best friend’s coworkers. Keep it light, keep it tasteful, and most importantly—make sure it actually fits the moment.

What are your feelings on using AI for speeches and vows?

This is the number one question I get when I tell people about our company. I’ll say, “We help people write and practice vows, speeches, ceremonies, and other important occasions.” And they almost always respond with, “How do you feel about AI?”

Here’s how I feel about AI: It doesn’t do what we do.

Most of our work happens during the interview process—getting stories out of people, uncovering what’s really meaningful, and intuitively recognizing the moments that resonate. It’s about finding the emotional hooks and shaping them into something powerful.

Knowing how to tell a story is very different from just writing a well-structured sentence. AI can’t tell you what not to say. It struggles with humor. By nature, AI pulls from existing sources and generates a rather homogenous response. But these moments—your vows, your speech—are deeply personal. They shouldn’t feel generic.

Beyond that, most AI-based services rely on questionnaires. And if someone isn’t a confident writer, filling out a form to give AI “fodder” for generating text isn’t exactly helpful. It still requires effort from the user, and the result often lacks depth and authenticity.

That said, I do think AI can have a place. If someone truly has no other option—maybe they can’t afford professional help, or they already have something solid and just want a different way to phrase it—then sure, AI might offer some utility.

But I’ve tested it myself. I’ve asked AI to generate vows as if I were getting married, and the results were… well, pretty ridiculous. It just didn’t capture the essence of what we do. Maybe someday it will improve, but right now, it doesn’t come close to the level of personalization, humor, and emotional nuance that people want for these moments.

That said, one thing AI is doing—something I actually appreciate—is helping to normalize the idea of getting help. The more AI-based services talk about it, the more awareness there is that assistance exists at all. And that’s actually our biggest challenge—making sure people know they can get help with their vows and speeches in the first place.

There are a lot of weddings every year, and we want to reach as many people as possible to let them know that if they’re struggling, they don’t have to do it alone.

I know you've been collecting some wedding disaster stories and we talked about them in the last episode, but are there any good ones that you've heard recently that you wanted to share?

Every time I go to a wedding professionals' meeting, a conference, or a networking event, I make it a point to ask people, “Do you have any wild wedding speech, ceremony, or vow stories?” And let me tell you—every planner, videographer, and photographer has at least one story that proves why professional guidance is so necessary.

One that really stands out to me came from a photographer in New York. She told me about a wedding where the father of the groom gave a speech… and shared a story about a trip he and his son took to a South American country—where they went to a brothel.

He casually mentioned that they shared a prostitute.

At the wedding.

In front of everyone.

As you can imagine, that pretty much destroyed the entire night.

And that’s just one example.

There was another wedding where the best man got up and talked about how much he liked this bride better than the groom’s previous wife—except most of the guests had no idea the groom had been married before.

Or the speech where someone accidentally announced the bride was pregnant—before she had told anyone.

Or the father of the bride who brought out props during his speech, including a bra that had belonged to the bride’s mother when they were in high school together.

The list goes on and on. Just when you think, How could someone possibly say that? you hear another story that tops it. And that’s when you realize—people need guidance.

Right? Then you get maids of honor who hate the groom and want to make it known. Or someone who wants to casually reminisce about that one time they got arrested.

People don’t always realize what’s inappropriate until you point it out. That’s why my job isn’t just to help speakers—it’s to protect the event itself.

Even if the speaker is the one hiring me, my loyalty is to the integrity of the wedding. I might be a little more conservative than necessary, but at the end of the day, you want the speeches to be fun—not uncomfortable. There’s a way to add humor without testing the limits of the audience. And trust me, a little professional guidance goes a long way in making sure that happens.

What have you seen in this industry since starting your business? Are there trends in this space that you're noticing or just changes you've seen evolving over time?

The biggest trend I’m noticing is the growing attention to these moments—especially on social media. Whether it’s TikTok (which, who knows, might not even be around by the time this airs), Instagram, or Facebook, I’m seeing more and more wedding vows, speeches, and special moments being shared online.

Part of that is probably the algorithm feeding me content because of the industry I’m in, but I do think there’s a real shift happening. Video is more prevalent than ever. Everyone has a phone capable of capturing high-quality footage, and videographers have done an amazing job marketing the value of professional wedding videos. That added visibility has put an even bigger spotlight on these moments.

Another big shift I’m seeing is that weddings are becoming less traditional.

Couples today aren’t as worried about doing things a certain way or following a specific order. The pressure to stick to the “expected” script—whether it’s the cake cutting, bouquet toss, or first dance—isn’t as strong as it once was. That’s opening up weddings to be much more personal and expressive of the couple’s unique personalities.

You see it in different ways—whether it’s a couple incorporating their love for thrifting, surfing, or some other passion into their wedding theme. That same creativity is spilling over into speeches and vows, too. People feel freer to make their words more personal, more fun, and more reflective of their real relationship rather than sticking to a formula.

As video sharing continues to grow and weddings become less about tradition and more about celebrating what makes each couple unique, these events are only getting more creative, meaningful, and fun. Some of the designs and concepts I’ve seen lately are mind-blowingly incredible.

Weddings today are no longer about following a template—they’re about storytelling. And honestly, the further we move away from the “stock wedding,” the better. This level of creative expression is only accelerating, and I think that’s amazing.

Can you share a little bit more about what makes your process unique or what other kinds of speaking engagements that you all assist with?

For every client, we always start with a phone interview. You can do it from your car, step out of your apartment—whatever works for you. We make it easy. No need to sit on a video call and stare at me, which is a bonus!

And honestly, the interview itself is a lot of fun. You get to talk about your favorite subject—your spouse, your child, your best friend, your sibling—whoever the speech is about. Our goal is to remove the anxiety from the process and make it as smooth as possible.

After the interview, we draft the speech and send it to you for review. You get unlimited revisions, so we’ll go back and forth until you’re completely happy with it. Once it’s finalized, we move into the rehearsal phase, where we work on your delivery.

This process applies to everything we do—whether it’s writing vows, wedding speeches, ceremonies, or even speeches for other events like bar mitzvahs, quinceañeras, family reunions, birthdays—you name it. But we don’t just work in weddings—we also help professionals with sales presentations. If you’re giving a talk and want to make it more engaging, fun, and memorable, we can help with that too.

Get in touch with Brian Franklin here.

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